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familiaritytaking shots and
acting childish because
this is what i know
alcohol and coffee beans are
what get me through the day because
this is what i know
i keep things simple now
because you complicated everything else
and so i stick to what's familiar
it's probably better this way and
i really think we're better off because
we're no longer who the other knows
it's been a while since i stopped missing you
and even now that still is true
i don't know who you are now and
i no longer want to
in fond memory of 2011do you remember the summer
we spent, windows down,
walking the dog whenever
it pumped through the speakers
we pissed off all the neighbors that year
there was nothing
that could put us to sleep
together we ran this whole damn town
jagged edgesthere was no way
we could have split
clean in two
there had to be
for us to cut ourselves on
all we ever did
was do our best
(to hurt each other, mostly)
now i'm all too jaded
and my anger has faded
i'm not bitter and
i don't know if i ever was
i guess that means
i'm starting to grow up
"i, i, i..."
everything that comes out of my mouth,
sorry for that
but it does speak volumes that
there truly is no more poison
in my veins
that being said,
there are six hundred
this could have been handled
we're adults by no means
this is a playground
and we're in the third grade
throwing stones with our
small hands, pretending
the damage we do will have
any lasting effect
i've long since moved on
180 degreesit's dark outside and we can hear the storms rage from underground. it knocked out the power and we can almost see our breath like it's two months ago. i'll share my blankets if you'll share the space around you. there are lines lost in the silence here, i wish i'd been writing these moments down.
(today i asked the sky for snow, thinking it would cover and bury me.
a freezing blank slate, i'd start this year over again.)
or you could have been keeping track of time, noting each second and jotting down your thoughts from 4:23 to 4:31. the blame is on both of us that this is more of a memory than a current event. the blame is on both of us that we can barely remember. the blame is on both of us.
it rained today and although it didn't melt the glaciers on my back, it felt better than i remember. i felt the sun sink through my skin and into my veins for the first time this year. maybe by july the cold parts of me will finish melting. i'm almost there.
march 28thlet's make breakfast at 2:30
and tell ourselves that
this moment will last
longer than these bagels
once they're out of the toaster.
let's forget about breakfast
and forget that i still
have to leave in the morning
we can spend tonight tracing
circles on each other
let's sit on the floor
humming along to brand new
"nobody plans to be half a world away
at times like these
so i sat alone and waited out the night"
let's pretend the sun
won't come up anytime soon
we can try to stay awake
and maybe we'll see the morning come
before someone's eyes close
i am falling asleep
in my queen size bed
wishing it were half the size
and twice as full
the downside to internet friendsstill counterfeiting brave faces at airports, i'm learning that there's no getting used to this. i'm tripping over empty cups and tripping over my own tongue. i've never been very good with goodbyes.
who else will collapse with cards in-hand that they intend to send?
who else will lay near me when the fan blows just a little too cold?
who else will inflate my air mattress?
i'm tired of learning how to inflate the life vest that sits under my seat. mine might as well have a name-tag at this point. i'm so fucking sick of falling asleep in an upright and locked position. maybe i'm just tired of falling asleep.
or maybe i keep getting a little too drunk and weighing myself down. my chest feels heavy like i'm dragging bricks. in my humble opinion, i think that's just cause to drink more. keep the shots coming until enough time passes where i'll be getting off a plane again.
people keep telling me it's impossible to miss someone whom you've never met. i'm here to tell you that it's even ha
growing taller and strongera year ago i would have been in fucking shambles. i am standing tall. i'm no longer crumbling under what i would have considered the end of my small world. everything is expanding for me. i've shed so much of the weight on my shoulders and i feel so much lighter. there's no more poison in my veins. i'm flexing my muscles and showing everyone that i'm strong enough to fight back. there's no more poison in my veins. i'm comfortable showing off.
these words have changed from what they used to be. i am comfortable with how my voice sounds when pressed to paper. i can shed layers and layers of pages without scolding myself.
there is no more poison in my veins.
take out the toxic and it gets easier to breathe.
shaking off the expectations of a modern familyhe stood
at the edge
of the mountain and
whispered into the void.
asking for some
of a sign, or
some sign of forgiveness,
"i know that i am
less than half the man
my father was,
just know that i've given up
i am not my father's failures
or his successes.
i am not my father."
waiting for the universe,
or his mother,
to smite him. to wipe
him off this earth
he no longer cared
if he called home.
he has lost
"i have nothing left
he stamped out his cigarette
at the top of his everest.
he shook his family's
disappointments and expectations
off of his shoulders
and was hardly surprised at how much
How to love a girl who can't love herself.one.
When she cries herself to sleep
six out of seven nights a week you must
say nothing. You must simply take
her in your arms and kiss her gaunt,
pale cheeks and wait for her to
slumber at the sound of your heart.
On the days where she wishes she
were part of the stars, tell her
no. Tell her that there are too many
lights in the sky and that just one
would be forgotten the moment you looked
away from it. Tell her that she is perfect
the way she is: completely human.
Don't let her think about the scars
that no one but her can see. If she
says "I think I'm broken" smile like you
know a secret and say, "No, you're mending."
But do not be the one to fix her - no, she
the only letter I've ever wanted to burni.
if you want to give someone the silent treatment,
the first step is shutting up.
things made much more sense
when I was younger.
I thought there was one path,
each choice a stepping stone upon it.
in reality there are a million roads
intertwined like rope.
I got lost
I chose you.
promises are easily broken.
I knew that,
but it still hurt
spending friday night
shivering in the rain,
choking on cannabis perfume
in a dirt parking lot
your face never graced.
and I hoped against hope
you might appear,
but I wasted my wishing
on ungrateful you.
you died before taking your first breath.
I took a chance
and I should've known better.
you can give somebody all you have
and nothing can stop them from
throwing it away.
you've made this bed,
now lie in it.
you slit this suture,
you're the goddamn reason
I gave up on the month of april,
and soon enough you'll fall on your own blade
like some drunken samurai.
if you want
Die AloneI take apart her heart
And lay the pieces down
In a circular form.
Let her bleed a work of art.
I forgot I’m crazy.
I’ll whisper my secrets
Only if she promises
To die here alone with me.
.What do you want to be when you grow up?
They ask it like a dare.
As if letting your unlikely dreams
slip from the safety of your mind
could bring their own
a little closer to reality.
car crash on an empty roadit happened before
we did. it was more a person
than you or I or that boy
in the park trying
to convince us to
stupid. it happened
before your smile
cracked the sky in half, before
our laughters slurred into
a dissonant song, before
your fingers traced the stories
lying on my face before I knew
just how many pieces of sunshine
were trapped in your hair before
the walls became the ceiling and
I wasn’t claustrophobic.
things I remember:
the red blur of your room like
God was experimenting with the
symbolism in modern art, the
tri-tone shimmering of your eyes
like the surface of the water, the way
you defined perfection as a scale of
women ending with a less than sensible
me, the way you always moved like
you were dancing and no one was there to
RelativityLooking in the mirror
through the mirror
seeing a stranger,
My chest swells and my heart lurches
This girl isn't me, not at all
She looks like someone
but not me.
A movie star, a homeless person.
Even when I look at photos
no memory comes up
no allowing for the thought that I have a body
Or that the cold of my fingertips,
the throb of anxiety inside my ribs
I see my arm, an armband
A scar, a vein, a ring that has no meaning
But it did, to this girl in the mirror
Even if memory fails
Existence is relative
Dizzy Girl,you can't cure sorrow. The drops
on the windshield are swallowed
by this traffic's color and you
are just the driver.
Other people pass
with paint blearing,
though I do wish
there was an ending,
questions spark in halos
of low street lamps as you veer
toward the center,
recollections are ceaseless.
She will be at your left and the gust
through the tinted window
will be humid,
you taste her last spirit
in the smoke and
i need a drinkthese city streets don't make me feel alive
like they used to,
i only want
what is out of reach.
my arms feel heavy
weighing me down,
slowing my movements,
with my foot
on the gas pedal
i'm barely learning to crawl.
i just need to clear my head.
i washed the blood
off my hands
and watched it wash
down the drain
i washed the blood off my hands,
i washed the blood off my hands.
an ashy taste in my mouth,
i just need to clear my mind.
i just need some time
i hope you don't mind.
i washed your blood off my hands
and watched your remains
wash down the drain.
these city streets
don't keep me awake anymore,
my mind still races
around every corner,
running every red light,
i just need to breathe.
the winters here
will rattle your
racked with guilt,
you're already shaking.
the winters here
will watch you decay,
i washed the blood off my hands
only to watch it stain
everything i've ever known.
the marks i left
in the snow
serve as a reminder
that i've destro
mechanici want to kiss every aching wound you have,
bandage your heart every time it bleeds,
and patch up your mind over and over
because not a single tear deserves to fall
from your brandy-drenched eyes
but this dripping heart of mine can only feel
and the healing honey words it flames get caught
in the back of my throat and on the roof of my mouth
so i only have these passionate guttural cries
to tell you that i care all too much
and in order to fix you up again,
i would need to tear myself to tatters
and trade all of my working parts
for your leftover, fading pieces
but i just haven’t figured out how.
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Bluefley has a gallery filled with artwork that whisks you off in to a Sci-fi daydream, and keeps you captivated for hours. Marc has been a member of our community for over a decade and has achieved nothing but success with his astounding commitment to interacting with the community, sharing a prolific amount of video tutorials and generally being an all round rockstar deviant. It is no joke that we are absolutely delighted to award the Deviousness Award for April 2014 to ... Read More